Chasing Lightning

[StCroix]

The white of her eyes was visible, chasing away the blue as she shivered and trembled with the claim of addiction. Tequila and peyote ran through her veins. Chasing lightning.

Her soul maybe was chasing lightning bugs in open fields. Racing after them as in a dream's thick hallucination her wheat dark hair seemed molten gold and her eyes brilliant jewels. A shining vessel of sun and sky.

The highs and lows. St Croix had come from the bed of death and found it had taken a bit of her soul and made her different.

They might as well have said her name was a summon. An incantation of invite for power to something surreal and serene.

This wasn't magic but something more. Something she couldn't escape.

Life and Death she'd seen both sides. Parted the veil till the prairie dove seemed more meant for omens on the black wings of a bird.

They had taken so much from her. Her body, even her mind at times. She had given it over so willingly.

They had gone to far. And the panic had set in. Leaving her discarded like a toy no longer desired on the side of the road. Broken. Dead.

So they would think. That day she had died she did not see the white light or a long blazing tunnel. Instead she the vision of a man. Unnatural.

He took every waking moment of her thoughts.Captivated by hallucination she lost herself to the self depreciation of addiction.

It would silence that cry in her spirit.

[StCroix]

Obsession. Addiction. Claiming her ever and always. Sprawled out on the floor she felt like she was in a field of wheat, the wheat blond of her hair spilling all around her to intermingle. Naked in the wheat but not alone.

He was there.

Even on the ground she felt she was falling.

"St Croix, damn it St. Croix wake up. Damn it. I think she overdosed this time!"

Her shoulders were shaking. Was she in tremble from the hallucinogenic drugs or was someone physically shaking her back to sobriety.

She groaned as the vision, the hallucination faded at the edges. She felt him all around her. His mouth on her lips. Taking the fever sugar from her. Cleaning out her soul. Breaking that addiction. His hair was all around her. A dark veil and she gripped on to it... gasping out a sound between desire and fear, pleasure and pain

Those blue eyes as jaded as sapphires snapped open. The needle tugged out of her arm as she sat up, staring wide eyed and dream drunk at the motley bunch of drifters she kept company with.

"Jesus, St. Croix. We thought we lost you."

Her smile was somber, eyes haunted.

"No. Not yet...I live to see another day."

[StCroix]

Dancing the music was lightning through her veins. She felt manic and electric. St Croix felt alive.

The pills were chased with a thick swallow of tequila and her world was spinning around. Bright vibrant colors washed her flesh in a rainbow's afterglow.

Bottle dismissed as the high took over. Eyes closed, head fell back and her hands were in the air.

Spinning circles till she was dizzy and wild with the sensation. Vivid intensity as her eyes opened again and those sapphires saw so much more.

Squinting in the shadows of the club. Where the light didn't touch it's pulsing radiance there was the outline.

Soul drifted towards it as if summoned, called and beckoned. Perhaps it was just the drugs making her see shadows and apparitions of that which was not there.

She rushed towards it, that vision.

St Croix was there. Close enough to touch him. But she was alone in the shadows, playing shadow dance with nothing more then a ghost.

A scream of frustration was swallowed whole by the club music. Her fists pounding savagely into the wall until they came away broken and bloody. Until she was torn away, nails like claws scratching at the faces of those that took her as the drugs went wrong with her. Like they had before, like they always would.

Tossed out on the street like a rag doll, she stared up at the sky with the realization that it was beginning to rain. Washing the blood away, but never the pain. Never the pain.

[StCroix]

Huddled and starving in those moments, St. Croix tried to avoid that cold drip of rain as those blue eyes lifted to the sky. Her friends had left her behind lost in their own self induced reveries that came with whatever addiction they could find to fill the gaping holes in their lives.

She needed a fix. The shine long had left her and the sobering sensation left her melancholy. The vision that tormented of the man in her dreams seemed so much closer to her. Especially tonight, she near felt like she could have touched him if he hadn’t disappeared.

Everyone had their reason that they became addicted to some vice or another. St. Croix could have blamed it on the fact that she had died and been brought back to life but it wouldn’t be realistic. The addiction came because the shine of those drugs in her system brought back the visions of him. The man that had haunted her dreams and her drug induced visions since she had been brought back to life. She had to wonder if it was perhaps him that had pulled her from her crossroads and left her in between without him.

Wearily she rubbed at her arms as withdraw from the drugs left her skin crawling. She needed a fix, and soon. Still those sapphires could not help but notice that this itching at her arms felt different, felt like a burn. St. Croix could only stare in horror as her arms developed little pink blisters as if her flesh… had been set on fire. Almost like she had buried her hands in the hottest part of a flame in test to see if she was truly alive…

A faint whimper escaped her lips, closing her eyes as she searched her pockets in a frenzy for something to take the pain away. She would do anything to have that shine back.

St. Croix would do anything, all means necessary to have him back. No matter the cost. No matter the risk. Even if it meant her very soul

[StCroix]

Somebody has to shine for me, It's difficult not to shine for me ~Depeche Mode

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St Croix would do what she had to in order to get by. The itch festered along her skin. The blistering burns bonding so well with her descent. The drop from the Shine.

She did what she had to do. Tears in her eyes that would never fall left her blue eyes blazing, pleading even as she struggled so hard to hide the pain.

No money to offer you could only go by what you had left. Flesh.

None of it mattered anymore.

Her fingers curled around the small handful of pills that her body had bartered for her.

Like a dancer finding the edge of the stage she would sway. Spin and swallow down those pills. The streets would know her flesh, her sins better then any.

When her eyes found her reflection and the haze that overtook them when the Shine came along she had no choice but to look away.

Until euphoric bliss came through and she was safe, and high, and free. No one could touch her now.

Gold blazing at the wheat-gold of hair, blue eyes summer jewels. She savored this moment as she closed her eyes and the place she knew... the in between. Was hers again to know.

[StCroix]

Drifting in a down spiral. A twisted banner of colors where the Shine would burn like tiny clusters of stars.

Sprawled out in the park she stretchecd out her limbs and sighed in the moonlight. Watched as her breath became blue sparks as they were exhaled.

Under the Shine.

Blue Moon born.

Everything was color to her.

"Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone... please come back home."

A sing song whim of voice as she smiled dreamily up at the sky. Fingers outstretched. Reaching, playing in the night sky.

Perhaps it would be a palette. She wondered if she could paint the stars.

If she could would she paint the vision of that man in the sky and stick the image of him like a note that says "Missing."

A lost soul.

Like herself.

She closed her eyes, drawn by the shine. Breathed out another breath that tasted of sorrow and tears if her breath would have a taste.

If color could have a flavor.

Hers would be blueberries and cream.